They can really get the best of me. And being on this journey has made me realize just how emotional of a person I really am. And how much I rely on food to drive the vehicle.
The closer surgery gets, the more emotional I am. Makes sense, right? I've been on auto-pilot the last few days. Each meal I tell myself to enjoy, because it will be so long before I taste it again. I'm using that as an excuse to eat things that I haven't eaten in a long time. I KNEW that the 'last meal' syndrome would do me in. I have 2 weeks until surgery. I cannot use that time to gorge myself into oblivion.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a binge eater. I'm a crappy food eater. I want the butter with my potatoes, the chocolate with my ice cream, the cheese with my broccoli. I realized this morning that if I don't start to pull myself back, I'm going to gain weight before my surgery. There is just so much going on right now, and I need to learn to face my feelings rather than stuffing them with bad food choices.
I've only been going to the gym about 2 nights per week, which is like half of what I had planned. I'm pretty unhappy with myself right now, and feeling rather crappy. And crabby.
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